Aakash Shrivastav

25 Things Long-Distance Hikers Never Say

Phrases such as “Aakashhike your own hike,” “the trail provides,” “you pack your fears,” and “don’t quit on a bad day” are frequently heard on US long-distance trails. While pondering these oft-repeated expressions during a recent trek around the Olympic Peninsula, I began musing about some of the things that thru-hikers never – or at least very rarely:

Aakash Shrivastav
Aakash Shrivastav

1. “I wish I didn’t bring so much chocolate.”
2. “This zero day really sucks.”
3. “I can’t believe how comfy my new 1/8″ CCF mat is!”
4. “Not a day goes past when I don’t regret ditching that camp chair.”
5. “Nah, I’m cool with a single scoop.”- Hikers

6. “I don’t accept rides with strangers.”
7. “I’m digging the challenge of putting on these wet toe socks.”
8. “I never get tired of Clif Bars.”
9. “Rawlins, WY, is my favorite trail town in America.”
10. “I could have picked up last year’s model trail runners for 60 percent off, but I prefer the color combo of the 2024 edition.”

11. “I’m so done with the outdoors after this trip.”- Hikers
12. “Groundhogs, smoundhogs………shepherd hooks were all I needed for my hike across Iceland.”
13. “I’ll trade you this packet of potato chips for some oatmeal and a handful of trail mix?”
14. “Mushy? Nah, my movements have been rock solid for the whole month I’ve been out.”
15. “I realize it’s peak bug season, but I wish I’d have saved some weight and left my head net at home.”

16. “I feel so much safer knowing that my hiking partner is carrying a gun.”
17. “I never seem to get my money’s worth at AYCE buffets.”
18. “I wish this inflatable sleeping mat was a wee bit narrower.”
19. “Sure, I’d be happy to carry out your poop bag seeing as you’re not heading into town.”
20. “I’ve never felt so welcome on a trail as I did on the eastern WA section of the Pacific Northwest Trail.”

21. “Thanks for the offer of a hot meal, but I think I’ll stick with my cold-soaked beans.”
22. “I can’t believe how durable these Altras are!”
23. “Sorry, there’s no space.” (Scenario: A fellow hiker arrives at a backcountry hut or lean-to late at night and/or in stormy weather).
24. “As soon as I finish this thru-hike, I swear I’m going back to my 80-liter backpack and leather boots.”
25. “I’d rather be in the office.”- Royale Vacation Club

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